Making your soup tastier in December 2011

So, today is the last day of the year. The beginning of a year is like when we begin to make preparation for a pot of soup to entertain guests invited to mark the end of the year. Throughout the outgoing year, we have directed all our daily, weekly and monthly activities towards ensuring that we make a pot of soup that meets the expectations of all our guests.

The time has now come for your guests to taste your soup. It is the time to see what is in the pot. Has your soup met the expectation of your quests or not? Could you have made the soup differently? What else could you have done to make the soup tastier? What kept you cooking the soup throughout the year even when you experienced some setbacks? How much time did you spend thinking and considering the type of soup you wanted to make for your guests, what ingredients to include, how much you can afford to spend, who you might need to call upon for help and at what time during the making of the soup will you let them know that you will need their help, do you really think you have enough money to make the right soup, what cooking skills and experience do you have, etc, etc, etc.

Now think of the soup you intend to make in the next twelve months.  What will it be? What name you will you be calling it? What will give you the inspiration to make the type of soup that helps you make the right statement of who you are to your invited guests? What gives you the confidence that you can make this type of soup in the first instance? What is your expectation of how the soup should look and feel like at the end of the year? What would keep you working on the soup even at your most challenging moments when things do not seem to be going according to your plans? What will you do to make a different and tastier pot of soup this New Year? What lessons are you bringing from the previous soup to this year? When will you be taking the first action? What about the second and the third? When will you be doing what? What will be the milestone when you begin to know that you will accomplish your goal of entertaining your guests with a palatable pot of soup in December 2011? Have you over or under estimated your ability to make this type of soup?

It does not matter what your guests thought about the taste and quality of your soup in 2010, you can make a better and tastier soup in 2011 if you put your mind to it. There is always room for improvement. Just make it an intention to do make a better soup in 2011. Just start with knowing that you want to make the type of soup you have selected. Even if you still do not know the type of soup you want to make, just keep thinking about it. It is great if you already have an idea. It makes life much easier. But if you have no clue, do not be despair, you are like most others. I would suggest you think about different areas of your life that need more cooking starting from health. Think about your career, your relationship, your friends, your family, your work, your finance, etc. Think of one area that occupied your thoughts throughout most of 2010. This must be an area that you spent most of your time thinking about in 2010. It must be an area that gave you the greatest concern.

Focus on that area and think of at least one thing you can do now to make a small shift from your existing position. For example if it is finance, and perhaps you are in serious debts, consider what one thing you could do just as you read this article that could help you make a small physical and emotional shift in the way you have been thinking about this challenge. That small shift may not necessarily resolve your debt issues instantly, but you will begin to see your debt matters from a totally different angle. It will help you to get out of your comfort zone and into your reality zone. This zone is where you will be able to explore various options for dealing with your debt challenge. This zone is where you will be putting in place action steps that move you towards resolving your debt matter once and for all. This zone is where you will take the first, second, third and even final step towards putting your debt issues under control. Resolving your personal challenges by working within the ambience of your current reality zone takes you a step towards moving into your potential zone. This zone is where you really belong. This is the zone you must aspire to be in. Your debt could be an obstacle that prevents you from reaching your potential zone. It could be a barrier which can be removed by first working within the limits of your current reality. Once you step out of your comfort zone, you begin to match into your potential zone.

Everything you do in 2011 should move you a step out of your comfort zone and take you a step forward into your potential zone. They say Rome was not built in a day, but it started with just one stone. You can begin to build your own Rome from this moment by making the first brick. You however do not stop there. You go on to make your second, third, until you make your last brick. You do that by making at least one brick a day. That is your personal contribution towards your project. This demonstrates your commitment. Once you have concretised your desire to make the change, you must leave the rest to your divine source of creation. Let the creative creator do the rest for you. Allow the power that holds the universe together to make it happen for you. Say to yourself, “I work in partnership with the power that brings something out of nothing, I can achieve anything”. Make this your mantra for 2011.

Happy New Year.

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2011 Change Companion

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Change your thoughts, change your future

You get whatever you think about all the time. I belief this happens when your two selves are working in perfect alignment without involving your third self. Your first self is your MIND. Your second self is your BODY. Your third self is your SPIRIT. Your body cannot do anything on its own without instructions from your mind. Your body will do anything your mind tells it to do without question. Your body functions like a robot. That is what gives your mind so much powerful over your body. This is why it is important you always watch your thoughts. This is especially so when you have not yet become fully aware of the role of your third self. It guides your mind to think either positively or negatively. This leads you to act either positively or negatively. You have the freewill to think and act either positively or negatively. You are free to do either what is right or what is wrong. Both have consequences.  

Now imagine your spirit standing between your mind and your body. Again, imagine your SOUL, your fourth self, the judge, standing as an independent observer watching, listening and noting down everything the other three selves are saying and doing. Whenever your mind tells your body to act in a certain way, your body has three options; a) it can act on the instruction without a second thought, b) it can consult the spirit to check if it is right or wrong to act in that way, or, c) it can take no action at all. Any of these options will still constitute a decision, a choice that your body and your mind have to make. Each decision has consequences. The role of your soul is to judge your actions. It does not judge your thoughts until they have been translated into either positive or negative actions. You can use your thoughts to empower your whole self. Your thoughts can also be your means of disempowering yourself.

Thinking is a learnable skill. The skill gives you the ability to use your first self (the mind) to control your second and third selves (your body and your spirit) in order to enable your fourth self (your soul) to fulfill its destiny. Understanding the relationships between these four selves is very critical to living your life in total balance. This WHOLE SELF comprises your mind, your body, your spirit and your soul. They interact with the environment in which you live and work. Without your mind, your body is an empty shell in a vegetative state unable to function rationally. Without your body, your mind cannot translate your thoughts into actionable activities. Without your guiding spirit, your body and your mind would only function on logical basis with little or no consideration for equity and fairness. Without your soul, your mind would not be held accountable for its thoughts and your spirit would not be answerable for what it has led your body to do.

No one part of your WHOLESELF is bigger or smaller. No one part is more or less important. Your whole self is greater than the sum of your part selves. Each part is equally important to your quality of life. As humans, we tend to pay more attention to the body. This is good. But if we pay as much attention to the mind and the spirit half as much as we pay to the body, we would be living much healthier lifestyle, living a much longer life and the world would have been a much peaceful place for humanity to live in.

Learning is the essential nutrient that the mind needs to grow and to develop. Without a purposeful learning, the mind is dead. A well-developed mind is the storehouse of knowledge and wisdom. A great mind uses questions as a searchlight to find solutions to existing problems. A great mind does not refer any problem to the body unless it already has thought through the solution.  Albert Einstein, one of the world’s greatest creative thinkers once put it succinctly: “you cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it”. This is why you must invest in your mind. The return on your investment in your mind is enormous. It gives you the ability to think the unthinkable. In resolving a problem, Einstein is saying that you must make your level of thinking rise up over and above the level of your thinking when you created the problem. You can only achieve this through investing in your mind. When you invest in your mind, you develop the ability to know and understand your body perfectly well, what it needs and when it needs it in order for the whole you to be operating at the highest level of human performance.

Meditation is one indispensable nutrient for the growth of the spirit. For some, it is prayer. Some others, it is in the silence. Yet, others achieve spiritual growth through regular reading of their respective holy books such as the Bible, the Quran, or the Tao Te Ching.  They achieve the same purpose. They help you to grow and develop spiritually. When your spirit is well developed, you will no longer be acting alone. You will be receiving counselling from your spirit. You will be acting in accordance with what the spirit tells you. You will no longer be acting on what the mind tells the body to do. When your mind, your body and your spirit are working in total alignment, your soul will be at peace with itself and with the environment in which you live and work. This is the essence of Value Life Balance.

Celebrating Christmas Every day

Christmas is a day for celebration. It is a day of festivity. It is the day when friends and family to come together to eat, drink and be merry. It is a day to give and receive gifts. It is a day, out of the 365 days in one calendar year (366 in a leap year), when most of us find the time to express love and kindness to one another.  It is a day many people look forward to with excitement. It is a day most people feel they are truly loved. For these reasons, how I wished Christmas is celebrated every day, every moment.

Forget for now about the commercialisation of this hitherto spiritually uplifting celebration. Forget about the pressure commercial advertisements put on you to spend the money you do not have to buy the things no one needs for a person you hardly have a single meaningful conversation with for a whole year. This makes the celebration more exclusive to people with means to the exclusion of those without means. The person whose birthday we celebrate at Christmas lived with, and died for, the people with no means. Why then should they be excluded from his birthday celebration?      

I want you, for a moment, to forget about Jesus being the son of God. I want you to put aside the idea that he was even born of a virgin. I want you to discount the notion that he rose from the dead, ascended into heaven and will come again to judge the living and the dead. I want you to put all of this aside for just a few moments and focus your mind on his humanity. I want you, for a few moments, to think of Jesus as an ordinary human being; born into an ordinary family in an ordinary place some two thousand years ago and whose actions have made extraordinary impacts on humanity more than anyone else dead or alive.

I belief Jesus came into the world with one message for mankind. It is a message of unconditional love. The message of love is of two parts. The first is the love of God. The second is the love for one another. When you love one another unconditionally, you have loved God. You cannot love God and hate your next door neighbour. In other words, the person who fulfils the second has automatically fulfilled the first. Even when a person professes to hate God and devotes his or her entire life helping the people in need, I belief such people can be justified. I call this living the spirit without necessarily being in spirit.  

Spiritual success leads to life eternity. Physical success is of this world and therefore very transitory. What gives permanence is spiritual success. It naturally shows you the ways to have the things of the world without necessarily being attached to world.  The sage himself affirmed this when he said “seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness (spiritual) and all these things (physical) shall be added unto you”. These messages are simple but very powerful. When you think about these two messages and grasp their essence, your life will begin to change forever. You will begin to think differently. You will begin to do things differently. Christmas will begin to mean something different to you.

Many of us want to be like Jesus. I am however not sure how many of us want to share some of his experiences in life: rejection, public disgrace, spat upon, flogged, whipped, nailed on the cross and buried like a poor man, all because he dared to speak out and challenged mankind to love one another, to live humbly with one another, to show more kindness to socially excluded members of the community. What does it feel to love a neighbour as oneself? What does it feel to forgive those who hurt us? What does it feel to feel the pains of others?

The three pillars of great people are knowledge, understanding and wisdom. You acquire knowledge through learning. You gain understanding through knowledge. Wisdom comes from learning and knowing. Knowledge gives power to make informed choices and decisions.  Understanding builds a compassionate heart and wisdom ennobles justice for all under all circumstances.

Just for a moment, let us forget the words and actions of old sages such as Jesus, or Mohammed, etc. Just think of one or two people in your life today who you belief truly have these three great attributes. Think of what makes him or her so different from the other people you know? What makes them so unique? Is it their physique?  Is it what they wear? Is it their wealth? I want you to spend a few moments to think deeply about the people in your mind. They could be members of your family. May be your colleague, your neighbour, your friend, or even member your church? Just think of the things they say and they way they say them. Just think of things they do and how they do them. Just think of the way they relate to other people and the way other people relate to them. Just think of any other thing that you can associate with the people in your mind and compare these with how you see other people.

You will begin to notice a common thread starting from the values they attach to things of the world, what they belief in, what they expect of themselves and others, their attitudes to life and the world around them, the way they think about themselves and about others, what they do, how they live their daily life, their lifestyle, and their views of what life is all about. They are the epitome of humility. Love and kindness flow from their inside and are reflected in the way they live their life moment by moment. To such people, every day is Christmas. They want it celebrated it every day of the year including 25 December.  Merry Christmas.

Living without seeking approval

How popular are you among your friends? What makes you popular? What is your personal approval rating? Why is it important for you to be popular among your friends or colleagues? How popular do you want to be?

Why do some people need other people's approval to do things they feel are important in their life? So long as you know that you are doing that which you think is right for you, you certainly do not need the permission of anybody including your friends, your parents, or even your spouse to do it?

There are many reasons why some people seek approval before they can do anything. Perhaps they do not belief in what they are trying to do. Perhaps they do not even belief in themselves. May be they lack the skills or the means to do what they want to do. They may be trying to boost their ego trying to show off to friends what they can do. Whatever their reason for seeking approval, it all boils down to personal insecurity. I define personal insecurity as a feeling you get when you think you are not good enough to accomplish a personal challenge in life. That is when you begin to search for people to reassure you that you are ok. Each time you get a positive response, your self-confidence level goes up. Each time you get a negative response your self-confidence level does down.

Knowing what you stand for means you can act according to what your mind tells you. It means you can act independent of the opinion of others. It means you do not need the approval of anyone to live your life the way want it. It means you cannot be pushed around by your friends. It means you can stand up for yourself even before your boss without being rude to him or her. It means you do not have to follow the crowd. It means you do not have to justify the choices and decisions you have made about your life. It means you do not have to be popular among your friends, your family, your colleagues, etc. It means you do not need to explain yourself to anybody. It means, above all else, you owe no one anything and no one owes you anything.

When you have succeeded in knowing who you are, what you stand for and where you want to go, you no longer need anybody to like you. You no longer need anybody to understand you. You no longer need to be understood because you already understand yourself and what you want in life. You live your life independent of anybody’s opinion.

If the approval of people is what you need to succeed in life, you can never have enough. A book I read recently compared approval seeking with a man walking on the street holding a cup in his hand and asking people passing by to help him fill it up with water. The problem is that there are several holes under the cup. Each time someone pours in some water, his approval rating goes up. As water leaks out of the cup, his approval rating drops and it keeps dropping until another favours him by pouring water into the cup.

What he needs to do first is to block the hole in the cup. In order words, you have to block your inner urge to feel the need for other people’s approval in order to live a happy and purposeful life. This is not suggesting that we all do not want people to like us. I certainly do and I belief you do too. It is a good feeling to know that people like me. This is however should not be the reason for doing what you do. It should be the bi-product. When you do a good deed and people thank you for doing it, you feel a sense of accomplishment. You should not offer help to the needy simply because you want them to like you. You should offer help to people because you belief it is your duty to do so. In the morning, you do not stop at the bus stop to say hello to your neighbour simply because you want him or her to like you. You should stop to say hello to them because you belief that it is good to build good personal relationship with people. In the bus, you should not give up your seat to a person that needs the space more than you do simply because you want people around you to think that you are a nice person. You should do it regularly as part of your selfless service to humanity.

On a final note, I want you to be very wary of complements as some may be criticisms in disguise. Some people use both to manipulate behaviour but complements are more socially acceptable. I want you to become more wary of both as they produce the same effect. A compliment increases your desire to work harder in order to please the person giving the complement. A criticism increases your desire to work even harder in order to disprove your critic. Both are capable of putting you under pressure. Pressure, they say, is what you get when you do not know what you are doing.

Be yourself. Be true to yourself. Act according to yourself. Trust your inner self. Stand for what you belief if right for you and the society. Do not seek to make people change what they think about you. It is a fruitless effort. Rather, seek to change what you think about yourself, develop your own personal approval rating and live by it. Once you have achieved that mindset, you have succeeded in changing your life forever.

What kind of leader are you?

According to a Greek mythology, a dispute once arose between Athina, the goddess of wisdom and Poseidon, the ruler of the seas, over the patronage of the city of Athens.  All the Olympian gods, the Cecrops - the founder of Greek civilization, and the citizens of Athens acted as the judges.

Poseidon was the first to stand on the witness box. He struck the rock of the Acropolis with his trident and a spring of salt water gushed out. As Athens was close to the sea, it made very little or no impression in the minds of the judges. Then he conjured a beautiful horse to emerge. Again, the judges were not impressed.

Next was Athina on the witness box. In her majestic elegance, she presented before the judges, an olive tree - a symbol of peace and prosperity. All the judges unanimously awarded the case in her favour.

Whilst Poseidon defended his case against Athina using the power of fear and intimidation, Athina presented her own case using the power of peace and hope. What is the difference between these two great characters? What is the difference in their defence strategies? What can we learn from the attitudes of the two people?

Both had to rely on what they already had inside to present their cases before the listening judges. Poseidon had war intent. Athina had peace intent. None of them could offer what they did not have. Poseidon could not offer peace because he had none. Athina could not offer war because she had none. Even though Athina was born with great power, she personified beauty, peace and love. She did not use her power to bully the judges to submission. She did not use her beauty to charm them. She relied on love and peace to create a feeling of hope for the future. She won because she had wisdom one the three pillars of great people. The other two are knowledge and understanding.

Poseidon lost because he lacked wisdom. He used his power to create fear. Fear is the enemy of progress. An individual cannot make progress in fear. No one can sustain a relationship with fear. An organisation cannot survive for any length of time when its top managers continually depend on bullying tactics to get employees on their toes. A nation cannot achieve sustainable development when the leadership consistently rely on fear, intimidation, manipulation and deceit as strategies for ensuring that the citizens of the country vote for them during elections.

What kind of leader are you? Are you Poseidon or Athina?

The way you think about a problem may be part of the problem

How many times have you been sitting on a problem and that problem simply refuses to go away? Let me put the question in another way. How many times have you had a problem sitting on your head and you simply refuse to let go of the problem? Some people deal with their problems by making it become their companion. I used to hear of ‘Student Companion’ but not ‘Problem Companion’. 

Why would anyone wish to keep a problem as a companion? Why would someone wish to live with his or her problem? Is it lack of a solution? They say there is no problem without a solution. Is it lack of courage to confront the problem? Some people think that by ignoring their problem and pretending that it does not exist, they could wish it away. They just sweep the problem under their carpet. Poor carpet, after all it cannot complain. Some people are even afraid of talking about the problem even to themselves. It is like hiding from one’s self.  A good example is a debt problem. The debtor dreads each morning’s posts. Every knock on the door brings panic. They hardly open their doors for fear of bailiffs. They would simply allow their mails to pile up without opening them. They do not seem to realise potential opportunities they stand to lose by not opening their mails. They just wished the problem could melt away. Every day takes them nearer to the D-Day when the chicken will come home to roost.   

Well, may be, after a while, they could decide to change home. They could simply leave the carpet behind.  After all, the problem has been resting under the carpet for a long time. The fact of the matter is that human problems have ears to hear what you are saying to yourself. They have eyes to see what you are doing to yourself.  They have legs to walk and follow you around wherever you go. You cannot separate them from you. You cannot escape from your problem. They are inside you. They are your thoughts. You carry them about wherever you go. Therefore, it does not matter where you choose to hide the problem; it is ever with you until you decide to do something about it. It is part of your life until you choose to confront it head-on. 

Just wait a few moments and think. I want you to think about your current problem. Think of how long it has been with you. Think of what it has done to your life. Think of what it has done to your significant half. Think of what it can still do if it continues like this. Think of what your life would be like in the next three to five years if this problem remains with you.

Now, think of it in another angle. I want you to think about this current problem. What would your life look like once the problem goes away from you? What would your life feel like? What would not having the problem mean to you, to your significant half, to your children, to your loved ones or to your parents? Just think.

Right now as you read this message, you can take the first step towards putting this long-standing problem behind you finally by doing just one simple thing. Change the way you think about the problem.  If you have been describing and treating it as a big problem, today, you should begin to describe and treat it as a small problem. I want you to imaginary cut the problem to size. The size of the problem is irrelevant here. Just accept today that, yes, this problem exist at this point in your life. Tell yourself that you want to know its purpose in your life. You want to understand what it really means in your life. You do not need to be angry at the problem anymore.

Begin to develop a new relationship with this problem. I want you to keep a psychological distance from this relationship. By psychological distance, I mean you no longer see as an enemy or a friend. Just let the problem be. Just let yourself be. However, you want to be in control of your own part of the relationship. You want to define the relationship boundaries.  You want both to agree what can be done what cannot. What is possible and what is not. It is like laying ground rules. You can even negotiate the roles together.  You must know exactly what you can accept and what you cannot in light of your current other commitments. It is living in truth, living in reality. You cannot promise what you cannot deliver. That is either deceit or ignorance. Both have the same consequence. They break down trust in the relationship.

You must accept that you are not the first to be in this type of problem. You will certainly not be the last. Once you have agreed on the ground rules and that you will no longer run away from the relationship no matter how difficult things may become in the future, you have accepted your own responsibility. Never ever, you agree on any ground rule that you cannot obey. At the same time, never ever offer an unreasonable ground rule that could give the impression that you are an escapist.  An escapist is a person that has the tendency to avoid unpleasant reality. Show that you can take responsibility for your life. Do not be afraid to talk about the problem.

Once you have reconciled inner yourself with the reality of your life and you no longer see the problem as a stigma, you are on your way to freedom. You will begin to thinking more positively. You will begin replace your self-hate with your self-love. You will begin to feel lighter in your head.  Movements in every part of your body will begin to align with your thoughts. You will begin to walk in the street with your head held high. You no longer have anything to hide from anyone. You can now begin to seek professional help for your problem. You become an open-minded person who can discuss personal problems with anyone that you belief can help you out.

Your new way of thinking will result in a new way of living. You were never born to be alone. No one is ever born to be alone. Your old way of thinking made you to think that you were alone. No human being is ever alone. If God wanted us to be alone, He would have created Adam only. In His wisdom, He chose to create Even so that Adam might not be alone. Any time you are experiencing a challenge in any area of your life, remember, you are not alone. Every problem has a solution hiding around the corner. It only needs you to ask, and you will receive, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be open for you. This is what Jesus taught his disciples over 2000 years ago. This is what I want you to learn today.

Resolving personal problems in eleven simple steps

Step 1             Find a quiet place to relax. It can be anywhere suitable that allows you a few free moments. I prefer my bedroom lying preferably first in the morning as part of my devotional prayer and meditation.

Step 2             Take 3 deep breathes and then close your eyes

Step 3             Begin to clear your mind of all your current problems. Name each problem one by one and put all of them inside an imaginary cupboard by the side of your bed.

Step 4             Having emptied your mind of all your current problems, allow your mind to be free for a few moments. Release yourself from all the worries and feel relaxed and at peace with yourself. At this very moment, you have no problem whatsoever. You are totally free just as the day you were born    

Step 5             Now, invite the problem that is currently dominating your life. The one that is uppermost in your life now. I want you to leave that problem in your mind and allow it to stay there for a few moments. That is the only problem you have in your entire life at this very point in your life.

Step 6             Allow the thought of the single problem to settle down in your mind and begin to focus on it intently. Imagine what colour is it. Red? Black? What does it feel like? Let the problem look at you in the face and you look at back as powerfully as you can. Notice the feeling you have about the problem. Do not let the way the problem is looking at you frighten you. In fact, your look should frighten the problem.   

Step 7             As you focus on this problem begin to ask yourself the following 4 questions. Do not attempt to answer any of them. Just spend a minute or two reflecting on each question as you ask it. As you ask each question, listen to what your inner voice is telling you. Notice each specific word or phrase that you are hearing. Now begin to ask yourself these four questions:

•         What is the root of the problem?

•         What does it mean to me now?

•         What does it feel to have this problem?

•         What makes it feel so bad now?

Step 8             Begin to notice any words or phrases that are coming to your mind. Some words or phrases would hit you more than the others.

Note how you feel each time a new word or phrase comes into your focus.

Step 9             Focus on those words or phrases that seem to capture the real essence of the problem at hand. Focus on one word or phrase at a time and notice what you feel.

Step 10          Once you have identified a word or phrase that most appropriately fit the essence of the problem at hand, begin a regular meditation on that word or phrase until you begin to feel some librating movements in your body. Hold on to those words or phrases. At least one of them holds the key to the problem.

Step 11          Set up an action plan to resolve the problem using your answers to each of the following six questions to guide you:

                       

•         What will I be feeling when the problem is resolved?

•         What do I need to resolve the problem?

•         What are the various ways to resolve this problem?

•         What is the best ways to resolve the problem?

•         Who do I need to contact for help?

•         What step can I take right now to start resolving the problem?

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Questions, comments and feedbacks

Dear readers,
If you have any questions or comments in relation to any issue raised in any of my blogs, please feel free to post them to:  matthewmedupin.mamcoaching@blogger.com or you can simply register as a member and post your questions or comments.
You are blessed

Matthew

Living without secrecy

 I used to tell my children when they were much younger that they must never do anything in secret that they knew they would not be proud to admit in public. I used to tell them that there was no secrecy in living. By this, I was not suggesting that they could not keep some secrets from some people to protect their privacy. I was not suggestion that they were not free to choose which information they could willingly share with me, their mum, their friends or other people without being pressurised to do so.  I was not even referring to some personal secrets that they belief were harmless to them and to others such as not wanting their friends to know the details of their examination results, etc. 

People can keep such secrets to avoid embarrassment. People can tell lies to boost their ego. I am by no means suggesting that telling lies is a good thing. This is far from it. A lie is a lie; there is no big or small lie. The point I am trying to make here is that people can protect their privacy by keeping some aspects of their lives secret provided it causes no one any harm. Discretion, wisdom and common sense therefore, should guide individual in making choices as to what they wish to keep secret and from whom. Having said that, I taught my children to understand that it is not sensible to keep a secret from the person that could help them get out of the problem they have created for themselves because of keeping the secret. I think my children have successfully grown up to understand the practicality of this basic human philosophy of living a happy life.

What I was referring to is a situation in which people actively and persistently keep certain areas of their lives in absolute secrecy in order to protect their personal privacy. What could trigger such behaviour may be something that happened at one stage in the person’s life. It could be a child abuse by a close member of the family. It could be a classmate in school, college or university had bullied them. It could be systemic work related discrimination. It could be through a broken relationship. The list is endless. Each of these can create both emotional and physical damage to the individual.

When people are in such a situation and no immediate step taken to deal with it, over a long period, the effect could be devastating to the individual and those round them. Some are capable of leading to mental health problems. I can even lead some people to commit suicide. Some situations could be as bad as that. It would normally have begun when an individual is unable to let go of the past. Moving forward becomes an impossible task. They see everything in their lives within the lens of what had happened to them in the past. They see no future for themselves because of what had happened to them in the past. They wished the event never took place in their life. They wished the past never existed. They hate themselves for being who they are. They find it hard to take their thoughts from the events of the past. They relive each traumatic event of the past as if it is just happening. They are unable to take their minds away from the past. This prevents them from taking action to deal with the events of today. It blocks their vision from seeing what their future would be like.

The more they think about what had happened to them, the higher the level of hatred for themselves or for the other party involved. That area of their life becomes a dark spot, a shadow, which follows them wherever they go. The area becomes a no go area. They can do anything under the sun to protect it from coming into the surface. It is like a brick wall. There is apprehension if anyone tries to help them break the wall. They recoil into themselves. They become suspicious of anyone who genuinely wants to help them to come out of their shell. Lies become the bodyguards for protecting that area they want to keep away from people around them. They have to invent one lie to support another. Life becomes a vicious circle of lies, deceits and innuendo all in an attempt to protect perceived personal privacy that reminds them of their past.

People in this type of situation can start to help themselves by letting go of their past and move forward with their lives. They need to understand that there is no secrecy in living. They first have to recognise the reality of life. The reality of life is that nothing is happening in the life of anyone today that has not happened in the life of another person in the past. The difference is in how individual responds to what happens to them. When something happens, some people may see an opportunity in it whilst others may see a problem. The person who sees an ‘opportunity’ in a ‘problem’ would easily let go of the past, learn from what happened, take advantage of the opportunity and move forward with his or her life. The person who sees a ‘problem’ in a ‘problem’, keeps thinking of the problem, learns nothing from the problem, keeps thinking negatively in the past and unable to move forward with his or her life. The difference between these two types of people is enormous. The difference is in the difference between success and failure, between good and evil, between sadness and joy, between good health and dis-eases, and, most worryingly, between life and death.  

When people think they have life-stagnating problems, I tell them to wait until they see other people whose problems are even much bigger and much more challenging. For some people, the way they define their problems is the problem. For some people, what may have started as a simple test of their faith and an opportunity to find their sense of purpose and meaning of their life becomes the end of their live. They create both physical and spiritual barriers for themselves. They close their minds to any idea that could help them to step out of their self-imposed exile. They live in a world completely out of sync with the reality of living. The reality is living is that there is nothing new under the sun. There is no secrecy in living. What people in such a situation fail to realise is that the way they have chosen to deal with the problem they have affect their loved ones much more than it is affecting them personally. If they do not want to change their life for their own good, at least they could think about changing their life for the sake of their loved ones. It is a simple as that. The moment they can change their negative thought process, their lives will begin to change for the better.

Your first step to sustainable change can start the moment you muster the courage to open up and share your past with a trusted person. The trusted person could be your spouse, parents, guardians, a friend, a crisis intervention professional who provide therapy, counselling or life coaching. Taking your first step is not going to be an easy thing to do. But, what is your option? I cannot think of any. They say a problem share is a problem solved. This is the wisdom of old. It is as relevant in today’s world as it was in days gone by. This is the reality of life. There is no secrecy in living. Nothing is secret under the sun. This is in alignment with the teaching of Jesus when he said “for there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that is should come to light”. This is the truth.

Living in security even without money

What would make a person feel totally secure without money? In order words, is it possible for a human being to have total security without money? What can humankind do without money? Can you live without money? Your answers to these questions depend on your understanding of your core values and beliefs. It depends on your understanding of the role of money. Money, as they often say, is a means to an end. To this, I would add, money is one of several means to an end. It is like a road map.

A road map can take you to a destination, a territory. A road map is not the territory. A road map is useless unless it can take you to your destination. You can have a good, clear map that takes you to a wrong place. Money is good to enable you fulfil your destiny. However, you can still fulfil your destiny without it. This is fundamental to an understanding of the role of money in living a happy, purposeful and self-fulfilling life.

Means follows purpose. You cannot achieve a purpose without the means. The means can range from money, human to goodwill. Therefore, money is just one of many means to an end. The reality is that many people think money is the end in itself.  That is why they would do anything to have it. The more money they have, the more problems they invite into their lives. Such people may have the money but they have no purpose. To me, money without a purpose is like water flowing through a conduit pipe and draining into the gutter.

Money with a purpose is like sowing a seed. It is like sowing the biblical grain of mustard seed in a field. It starts with a very tiny seed. If well looked after, nurtured, well watered and fed with a variety of nutrients, it will grow to become big tree so that it becomes a resting place for all the birds.  Money plus a purpose is the secret of wealth creation.

Purpose determines the type and size of the means required to achieve it. The more you focus on money as the only means of achieving a purpose, the more you are likely to miss all the opportunities that come through other means. Conversely, the more you focus on purpose, the more you are likely to open up yourself to various other means of achieving it.

 Some people would say money is the root of all evils. I totally disagree with this old saying. Money is not the root of any evil. The root of all evils resides inside of each human being. There is neither good nor evil in money. There may be evil in the purpose for which you use money.  If you use money for an evil purpose, it does not make the money to be evil. It only makes you an evil person. If you use money for a good purpose, it does not make the money to be good. It only makes you a good person. Therefore, I do not belief for a moment that money is the root of any evil. To say that would mean that money controls you instead of the other way round.

Seeking purpose first instead of the means seems to be perfectly in alignment with the teaching of Jesus. “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you”. It is like laying a foundation of a house. You cannot put up the roof before the walls are in place. It is about doing the first things first. This is consistent with the order of creation. God started His creative work with an intention, a purpose. He knew what he wanted to do. He was clear about what He wanted to achieve. After that, He created the means of achieving His intention, His purpose. Some of the first means He created included heaven, earth, light, firmament, land, sea, plants, animals and finally humans. This makes sense to me. It is logical. Means follows purpose.

A purpose led life is living in the order of creation. It is living in fellowship with one another. It is living in love with one another. It is living in harmony with one another. It is living in kindness with one another. It is living in peace with oneself and with one another. It is living and sharing what you have with one another.

When you live a life of purpose, money no longer becomes your end but one of several means to an end. Money no longer becomes your master but your servant. Money no longer becomes your god but your means to achieve God’s purpose. When you live a purpose led life, your security no longer resides in money but under the shadow of the almighty. You will begin to know that your security and happiness no longer depend on what you have or what you do not have. When trouble comes, and you know that you are not alone, you will laugh in your heart and rejoice in the universal power.

Now, do you belief that it is possible to live a life without money and still feel totally secure?

Let your imagination run wild

Imagine a life in which you feel no limitations, without boundaries or labels. Picture a life in which you feel no less or more important than the person next door. See in your mind's eye a life in which tallness or shortness does not give you a feeling of advantage or disadvantage over the person next to you.  Visualize a life in which your skin colour does not make you feel uniquely different from other people around you. Think of a life in which there is no concept of beauty or ugliness to describe your physical appearance that could make you feel more or less attractive than other colleagues do.

We live in a world of human diversity. In diversity, there is oneness. In oneness, there is purpose and meaning for humankind. In purpose and meaning of life, each person finds self-fulfillment and happiness. In the pursuit for individual purpose and meaning, there is no division. No one is less important, less able, less superior, less intelligent or less attractive than anyone else is. Everyone is important for his or her own purpose. Everyone is beautiful in his or her own way.  Everyone is able in his or her own purpose in life. Everyone is capable according to his or her ability. Everyone is superior for his or her own purpose in life. Everyone is intelligent enough to achieve his or her purpose in life. Everyone has everything within him or herself to achieve his or her purpose in life.

There is a seed of greatness in everyone. You only need to nurture your own seed.  You only need to take care of it. You only need to feed it with nourishments. You only need to water it regularly. Everyone has the potentials that are yet to be released. Everyone has a gift to share with the world. Some people may have buried treasures that are waiting for exploration. They may have allowed other people to put them down. Everyone has something unique to offer to the world. No person can take away yours from you.  No one can take your place on earth.

If you have allowed your disappointments and failures to keep your treasures buried, it is time to dig them out. If you have allowed insecurity and low self-esteem to convince you that you do not have anything special to offer, it is time to liberate yourself from such feelings. If you have totally convinced yourself that you are just an average ordinary person, it is time you become aware that you originate from a Great Source, you are living a Great Life and you will return to your Great Source.

The question therefore is what makes some people feel more able, more attractive, more superior, more intelligent or more important than another person? Let me put question the other way round. What makes some people feel less able, less librated, less attractive, less superior, less intelligent or and less important than another person? I can suggest three answers. They are EGO, EGO, and EGO.

What is ego? Ego is the “I” or the “self” of a person. This is what gives you the feeling of what you are and who you are. This is what gives you the feeling of what you think you can do or cannot do. This is what gives you the feeling of your ability to do, to be or to have whatever you want in life. The feeling can be low, high or supper high. That is why they say some people have low ego, or low self-esteem, high ego or high self-esteem or super ego. Each of these is a feeling from your inside. They affect the way you relate to the people around you. They are the feelings of self- importance or self-worth. You can use it to oppress or depress the people around you. How people respond depends on their own ego.   

Ego is ego, it does not matter whether it is low, high or supper. It is the feeling you have the moment you begin to think that you are alone in the universe. It is the feeling you get the moment you begin to think that “I”, “me” and “myself” are going through this or that problem. It is the feeling you get when you attribute your personal successes to yourself alone. That is the moment for self-congratulations. The moment you think no one else matters but you and you alone.

The antonyms of ego include humility or meekness. This is the feeling that makes you to recognise that humankind come from one creative Source. This is the feeling that enables you to acknowledge that there is a power that is above all human powers. This is the feeling that gives you the awareness that the creative Source holds the whole universe together.  This is the feeling that makes you to belief you are not alone in the universe. This is the feeling that enables you to attribute all your personal successes and achievements to a divine power. This is a feeling of total surrender of your life to your creative Source. This is the feeling that perpetually encourages you to give thanks to the Source of all creation. This is the feeling that comes from the inner knowing that all human beings are equal before the creative Source. This is the feeling you get when you realise human oneness and human indivisibility. This is the feeling that knows and understands the nature of love, of kindness, of living in abundance, of sharing, of giving and of human progress. This is the feeling that keeps you equally connected with other human beings on earth irrespective of their race, culture, religion, age, sexual orientation, education, etc.

Imagine a world in which there is one wall. Imagine a world in which there is one language. Imagine a world in which there is one culture. Imagine a world in which there is one race. Imagine a world in which the only wall is the end of the earth. Imagine a world in which the only language is love. Imagine a world in which the only culture is kindness. Imagine a world in which the only race is human race. Imagine living is such a world, what would you be feeling? What would you be doing? What would you be saying to yourself? Just imagine!

Living like water

What would it feel like if we could just live life like water? Water, they say, has no enemy.  It has no legs, yet when it becomes a stream, it can travel miles and miles without the aid of a compass. It knows when to merge with a river. The river knows which ocean to dump its contents.  Water knows its bearing. Water does not talk, yet when an ocean produces waves, you can hear the sound as it moves across the surface of the ocean.

When water becomes a stream and decides to make its journey to a river, nothing can stop it from getting to the river. When the stream becomes a river and decides to make its journey to an ocean, no human power can prevent it from getting to the ocean. This is because; quoting Lao Tzu, “nothing in the world is more flexible and yielding than water”. When a stream or a river meets any obstacle, it has the patience of God. It can wait for as long it takes to overcome the obstacle. No matter how long the waiting, it does not surrender. It does not give in or give up.  Water remains water. It does not need to alter its ego to proof that it is water. It does not need to change its characteristic to overcome the barrier. It just continues to be water until the obstructing nature surrenders to the supernatural power of water. Because it knows its destination, water does not return to its origin. It keeps going until its mission is accomplished.

Water has no hands, yet it can touch lives. Our lives depend on it. Biologically, an average adult body is 50 to 65 percent water. For children, it is even more. You need water to drink. You need water to clean yourself and your household stuff. You need water to grow your farm produce. You need water to cook. You need water to do just about anything. There is no life without water, and yet water does not seek your approval to be water. It does not introduce itself to you as water. It does not even matter what name you may call it. It will remain what it is. It does not need to act as if it is water, because it is.

Living life like water is about living on purpose. It is about living flexibly. It is about living patiently. It is about living peacefully within your environment. It is about knowing the meaning of your life and living it meaningfully.  It is about your ability to keep making progress in your life by patiently and continuously working around the things you cannot understand in life. It is about remaining who you are at all times.  As water does not need to be something else in order to fulfil its role, so also you do not need to be any other person in order to fulfil your destiny. Water does not need to announce itself was water before you know it is water. So also, you do not need to announce who you are. What you do or not do tells people who you are. What you say makes people to understand who you are. They say action speaks louder than voice.   

As water has no enemy, so you do not have any enemy. Making water an enemy is counterproductive. People who attempt to make water their enemy only find themselves drowning in water.  As water does not need anyone in order to fulfil its multifaceted roles, so you do not need anyone in order to fulfil all your own roles in life. As people go out in search of water whenever they need it for one purpose or another, so people who need you will go out searching for you. As the supply of water is inexhaustible in the ocean, so you become an source of inexhaustible supplier of good things to others. Only that you must remain who you are. Remaining who you are means doing whatever you best know how to do.

When water becomes a stream, it learns how to reach its destination by meandering and ultimately ending up merging with a river. In the same way, you can become whatever you want in life by learning whatever new skills you need to learn in order for you to take the next step towards reaching your final destination. When water becomes a river, it learns to exercise a lot of patience in overcoming major obstacles on its way to the ocean. In the same way, you can learn to be as patient as a vulture when pursuing a highly challenging but ultimately rewarding goal. When water becomes a river, it learns the art of yielding to its natural environment as it makes its journey to the ocean. In the same way, you can learn to understand and align yourself with the natural environments that surround that which you are seeking to do, have or be.

How can we live like water? What is the essence of living like water? Water has no ego. It is flexible. It is yielding. Above all, water has no enemy. Living like water is the ultimate of living a life in the balance.