Why some people find it hard to ask for help

What makes it hard for some people to ask for help when they need it most?  Is it their ego? Is it their shyness? Is it their stupidity? Is it simply they do not know that they need help? The answer could be any or none of these. I recently asked a couple of clients why they think some people find it hard to ask for help even when they need it. The following are some of the answers I got:

·         They feel rejected if help is refused

·         They feel guilty for asking

·         The other person feel guilty if they cannot help

·         They are too proud to ask

·         They develop a sense of personal failure

·         They feel little

·         They think help will come without asking

·         They just like to keep their secrets secret

Each of the above may be a vital reason to think twice before asking someone for help in order to achieve a goal, but I do not think you should allow anything to stop you from asking for help when you most need it in order to achieve a desired goal.

Rejection is a feeling in your mind. It is not a permanent position. Your ego may have put the feeling inside of you. It may have started like a mustard seed. It grows to become a mighty tree overwhelming your false sense of self-importance. You need to climb down from your high horse, understand your current situation and accept the need for help to overcome it.

Your feeling of guilt whenever you ask someone for help is strength. Your conscience makes you to feel that way. The fact that you feel guilty for asking for help simply means that you have become very aware of your core value of independence. It means you are aware of your personal responsibility to balance your life. You are therefore asking for help as one of the actions you agreed to take in order for you to bring your life back to balance. You need not feel guilty about it provided you do not make it a regular habit.

Your reaction to how the other person would feel if he or she is unable to help you is another classic example of your selfless nature. This again is your strength and not a weakness. Why should you use your strength to prevent you from achieving your goal? If you genuinely knew that your friends would certainly help you if they can, why do you think they would feel guilty if they tell you that they cannot?  Why would you make it a reason for not wanting to approach them for help? Remember, if you do not ask, you do not get.

Pride, they say, goes before a fall. Suffice it to add that some people live their entire life thinking that they are greater than everyone around. The reality is that everyone is great in his or her own individual ways. Asking for help when you need it is not sign of weakness. It is an acknowledgment that you are not alone in the universe. The creator brought us into this world to help one another. If you have been created to be a help to the person next door and you refuse to carry out your divined role, nature will raise up a help from another source and that help will come with or without you.  

People who refuse to ask for help because they think it is a sign of failure should re-consider their own definition of failure. Bill Gate was once challenged by a TV Talk show host to explain some of the major failures that his company had witnessed. He resorted angrily saying that his company had never experienced any failure. He said the word “failure” does not feature in his personal dictionary. The presenter, taken aback from what appeared a denial of facts by Gill Gate, began to list examples of such failures in Microsoft. Bill Gate sat back, looked at the man straight in the face, and said, “Those were the defining moments in Microsoft history”. He explained that they were not failures, as other people would have liked to interpret their experiences.

Anytime you feel little, this implies that you see the other person as big. When you label someone as tall, it means you are comparing that person with a short person. These are ways of putting labels on other people. You are who you are. The fact that you are asking for a help when you need it does not make you smaller or bigger than what you are. Your littleness or bigness is in your mind. When you change the way you label people, you have succeeded in changing your life forever.

It is great to belief that your help will come without asking. However, my personal experience is that believing without work is nothing. When I need something that I am aware I cannot get with my existing resources, I would not expect help to walk into my living room. If I need help, I will make contacts with people I know. I will reach out to them. I will make effort to talk to the people that might help me. However, it does not necessarily mean that the help will come through my efforts. That power is in the hands of the Invisible Finisher of everything we start. The Source of all lives on earth will reward your efforts not directly through your own actions but through trying to find help for yourself. In order words whenever you need help, make effort to find help for yourself and allow the help to come at the time of God’s choosing.

It is good to keep your secrets secret. However, there is consequence. You have to be aware of the consequences of keeping your secrets secret in matter relating to your need for help in any area of your life. Keeping your secrets secret is your choice. No one can deny you this privilege. One thing to bear in mind is that nothing is secret under the sun and remember Charles Sanford’s quote, “Secrets are made to be found out with time”.

Your breakthrough in life could be just one help away from you. Why would you allow your pride to become a barrier? Remember, some of your friends are like angels sent down to earth to help you find your ways. Think!