The power of silence

The simplest way to defuse a potentially explosive argument is silence. Some people take this to mean capitulation. This is not true. I can only remember once when I used that magical power of silence in a row with a friend. That was a very long time ago, probably in 1974 or thereabout.  I think it was about an issue bordering on the use of some stuff he had left in the kitchen that we shared together.

My friend had just returned from work and wanted to know who had used his stuff. I was the only person he met at home.  I told him I did not use his stuff and that I did not know who had used it. He was not going to take my response for an answer. He asked me again, who used up his stuff. I insisted that I did not use his stuff and that I did not know who had used it. The next thing I saw was that my friend suddenly charged at me like a lion. He kept banging his hand on the table and screaming at me as if he was going to eat me alive. It was perhaps the most explosive outburst I had ever witnessed in my life. I did not respond. My friend had been raging for well over ten minutes before it suddenly occurred to him that I was not saying anything. He had said all unprintable things against me but I maintained an uncharacteristic silence all through.  

When our uncle returned home from work in the night, my friend reported me to him. He accused me of ignoring him when he was asking me who took his stuff.  That was the moment I discovered the enormous power of silence. He said he felt insulted when he was talking to me and I did not respond. The fact was that he was not talking to me but he was talking at me. He was the one insulting me. My only response, in that circumstance was to maintain my silence. I did not know how I did it. It was not and it has never been my nature to maintain such level of silence in the face of provocation. However, I did it and it worked.

Maintaining your silence in the face of provocation is not a sign of weakness but a sign of great strength. It takes two to tango. You cannot fight alone. Only a mad person fights alone. No matter how enraged the other person is, your dignified silence can calm him or her down. People who know me very well would agree that I was not born with a gift of silence. I grew up with a natural ability to express my opinion in the presence of anybody no matter who they may be. Therefore keeping silence was never one of my virtues.

I started to consider silence as a new way of living my life within the past five years or so. Over the past two years, coaching has helped me to discover the enormous power inherent in silence as a means of communication. As a Eucharistic Minister in my local Church, I have had several opportunities of visiting people who are sick and home bound. Those moments of my visits have continued to challenge my ability to keep my mouth shut whenever I felt the urge to express a few words of succour to them. I have found out over the years that what most of them needed was not my empty words of comfort but they wanted me to come to their homes to share some quality moments of silence with them.  Being alone most of the time, they had come to know that there is secret in silence. They had come to know that there is spirit in silence. They had come know that there is God in silence. You can use silence to make a point that a thousand words cannot achieve. As Orison Swett Marden fittingly put it in his famous book titled “Pushing to the front”, “Speech is silvern, Silence is golden; Speech is human, Silence, divine”.

You can use silence to learn more about yourself and your partner, You can use silence to learn more about your children, your friends, your colleagues, your boss, etc. You can use silence to discover who you are from inside and outside. You can use the power of silence to go deep inside other people and find out what they are thinking, what they want, their aspiration in life, etc. You can use silence to gain some insights into the minds of other people, their ways of thinking without the need to ask them any question. I have used silence to build new relationships with my family and friends. I have used silence to build new relationships based on mutual respect.   

The act of maintaining silence is a learnable skill. You can start by learning how to listen more and talk less. They say the reason why God gave us two ears and one mouth is to enable us listen twice as much as we talk. Initially it can be difficult for some people to maintain silence especially people who are highly opinionated. The reality is that the more you listen, the more you know about other people. The more you know about other people, the more you will understand their needs. The more you understand their needs, the more you will be in a position to relate with them. The more you are able to relate with them, the more you will be able to work together with them to achieve common goals. This is true both at home and at work.

There is enormous power in silence. God resides in silence. He works His miracles in silence. In silence, He will talk to you. As He talks to you in silence, you must listen to Him in silence. All you need to do is, just listen. I encourage you to find more space in your life to experience some rich moments of silence. Give silence a chance to flourish in your relationships, in your home, in your work, and in virtually all areas of your life. Discover the power of silence and use it to your maximum advantage. Cultivate the habit of listening more and talking less. This will change your life forever. I promise you. Think!