Confidence Building

Lizzy is 37years old and a Service Manager in a residential care home for adults with disability. She has been married for 15 years with three children aged 11, 9 and 7. Lizzy has always enjoyed working with disabled people and has always wanted to move up the career ladder within the social care profession. She is currently going through a self confident crisis at work and has this to say:

“Since I took up the role of Service Manager seven months ago, my confidence level just went down. I was on my previous job as Team Leader for six years reporting to the Service Manager. In that capacity, I knew everyone really well and there was always a colleague to chat to. So, I was really enthusiastic when I got the senior position, but now my low confidence is holding me back, and I know I need to get over it. My new job involves direct management responsibility for 25 support workers with a requirement to deliver high quality personalised care support services to 12 disabled adults living independently in their individual flats.

On my first day in a service manager meeting, I felt really inadequate and was finding it hard to even express myself. I know there's a lot to learn about the job but my mind keeps thinking about things I might have said or done wrong. A few days ago, the area manager called me over the phone and requested an update about an on-going issue with a customer but I got the issue mixed up with another customer. I also worry about what people might be saying or thinking about me even though I know everyone is too busy and that I'm probably the last person on their mind. I also worry that people are thinking that I am not up to the job. It's strange the way I am feeling at work as I'm confident in many other aspects of my life especially at home and in social environment.”

First of all, I say well done to you Lizzy for mustering the caurage to step out of your comfort zone.

Action steps for Lizzy each time fear sets in thinking about the things she might have done wrong:

1. Stop whatever you are doing and take three deep breathes in and out.
2. Take notice of the fear building up within you and accept it.
3. Make a conscious decision not to let it determine your response
4. Take note of the fear, then say to it, 'Thanks for the input'
5. Then deliberately choose how you want to respond to it.
6. Affirm to yourself, “No one can put me down without my permision”
7. Keep repeating this mantra to yourself until you begin to notice a positive change in your confidence level
8. Cultivate the habit of asking for feedback from your line manager or colleagues so you can hear how you are really coming across.
9. Find a mentor at work that you can confide in and lean on for support, and who'll be honest with you.
10. Keep a daily log of things you are doing well and things that you need to be improving upon.
11. Become more aware that everything you do at work, right or wrong, is your teacher. 

Between Stimulus and Response

It's not what people do or say to you that matters. You have no control over them. It's how you respond. Learning to insert a space between stimulus and response is a great start to developing emotional intelligence skill. Hard as this may be, it is what you need to build happy and long-lasting relationships that can withstand the test of time, at home, work or social life.

Helping others is Helping yourself

Whatever you do to enhance the progress of another person, you do it to enhance your own  progress. The reverse of the action is equally true. This is another mystery of life and living.

You are the architect of our own happiness

The only person that can make you happy is......................yourself.

Love has no colour

Our core human values have no division. They have no colour. They have no status. Love, kindness and compassion have no religious denomination. Happiness, joy and peace have no colour. Forgiveness, tolerance and respect for others have no status. The more we can focus on showing love, kindness and compassion to one another, the less we will see the need for doctrinal divisions amongst the various religions. The more we can concentrate on what makes human beings happy and peaceful, the less we will notice the differences in each other’s colour or race. The more we can focus on our common humanity and sameness, the more will be our ability to be tolerant of each other, respect individual differences and forgive one another.

Perspective Taking

Whatever problem you may be going through at any point in life and space, there are three possible ways of thinking that will help you to make your own sense of that problem. This is by way of three possible self affirmative statements: (1) "I am the cause of the problem." - the self blame. (2) "Another person is the cause of the problem." - the blaming of other. 3) "The problem is part of life and living." - the objective reality.  The first lets you blame yourself for causing the problem. The second lets you blame another person for causing the problem. The third lets you see and  understand the natural flow of events leading on to the problem.  Each of these self affirmative statements can impact on your ability to find a solution to the problem. 

Better Days Imagination

Take a moment to look back in time and space and think of things you've done so far. Think of one thing you're most proud of and reflect on it.  What made it so important to you? How did you do it? How did you feel the moment you knew you've done it? What particular skill was key to the success? What could you do now with the skill? How would you feel if you could just do it? The past created the present. The present creates the future. Real success comes from using what you've got now to get what you want in the future. If you've done something before, certainly, you can do it again...... .....even better.