Investing In Our Children

Orison Swett Marden, in his book pushing to the front said, “Give a boy purpose and determination no matter how poor his chance and you will hear from him”. What purpose are we instilling in our children? What direction are we leading them to?

We invest in the future of our children when we regularly find the time and space to spend quality time with them. What can we do with them during such time? Just stay with them and give them the chance to be with you. Listen to them with emotions. Learn from them as they learn from you. Pay attention to their needs. Get involved in what they do such as playing in-door or out-door games with them. Kids love the personal touching feeling contact they get from their parents and grandparents most especially from the dad. They see their dad as a hero, a role model.

As they are growing up, letting your children experience you from time to time in different scenarios is an invaluable investment in their future. Exposing children to various situations and experiences helps them develop essential life skills, problem-solving abilities, resilience, and empathy. It broadens their perspectives and prepares them for the challenges they may encounter as they grow older. It's like providing them with a toolkit for navigating the complexities of life.

Giving your children the opportunities to experience some of your ups and downs as they are growing up can be incredibly beneficial for their emotional development. It teaches them that it's normal to experience a range of emotions and helps them learn how to cope with them in healthy ways. Additionally, it fosters trust and openness in your relationship with them, as they see you as a real and authentic person with feelings just like theirs.

Let them see you playing your different roles in life. For example, let them see you playing your role as a father or mother, as grand parents, as a sister or brother, as an employee or an employer. Let them see you playing your role as a peacemaker. Let me them experience your role as a caring human being, as a giver, as a good neighbour, etc. Let them experience your spirituality through your active participation in your local Church. Share your views on important national and international issues such as poverty, social exclusions, etc. Also, listen to what they have to say about such issues too. As far as children are concerned, they learn more from what you do with them than from what you say to them.

The more things you do with your children, the more you are likely to develop bond that will last forever. This will be part of their childhood memory. For example when you eat with them, you help them build great table manners. When you watch TV with them, you help them with the choice of what is good and what is bad in television programming. When you read with them, you help them build their self-confidence. When you do all of this with your children, you are passing on your values to them. You are laying a great foundation for the future of your children.

Some parents bring up their children in fear. They use the fear of fear to make them comply with their instructions. This, in my humble opinion, is wrong parenting. There is no fear in love. Fear takes love away from children. It also reduces their self-confidence. Resist using ‘God’ as an instrument to instil fear in your children. Children will soon become adults when they will begin to challenge their childhood beliefs. Teach them to learn that God is love and in Him, there is no fear. If you love someone, you do not want to hurt that person. Fear cannot win love. However, love can overcome fear.

Give your children self-esteem and remind them of their innate ability to achieve anything they put their minds in life. Teach them to always aim high. Inspire them to success and become their first life coach.

The three greatest and most lasting gifts you can ever give to your children are the gift of wisdom, the gift of love and the gift of understanding. These are indeed invaluable gifts that can profoundly shape a child's life. Children learn these three great virtues mostly from their parents and through what you, as a parent or grandparents, do. Never be afraid to discipline your children when it becomes necessary but that must be part of an integrated learning process.           

As their first teacher, make it a habit to notice the learning style of your children and develop your teaching to fit the needs of each child. Understanding your child's learning style is crucial for effective teaching. Some children learn best through visual methods, others through auditory or kinesthetic means. Adapting your teaching style to match their individual preferences can greatly enhance their learning experience and academic performance

Unproductive parenting compares the ability and skills of one child with the other. Do not be the unproductive parent. Let each child grow according to his or her natural talent and ability. You are there to nurture what God has put inside of each child. You are not to add or take way anything. 

To me, I do not believe there are bad children. Give a child the right environment, the right purpose and a nurturing parent, sky is his or her limit.

Invest in the future of your children. Give each of them a great head start. You will hear from them.

12 things you should avoid saying to your Child

1. It can't be done
2. You can't understand it
3. You are too young for this
4. You are not strong enough
5. You are not smart enough
6. You are too slow
7. This is too big for you
8. You are weak
9. Don't be like your dad/mum
10. You are lazy.
11. Don't be too ambitious.
12. You can't stop, it runs in the family

The Way of the Great Master

"The Master does nothing, yet he leaves nothing undone. The ordinary man is always doing things, yet many more things are left to be done.”  This inspiring quote from the 38th verse of the Toa Teh Ching has been my lifeline during moments of despair when I become overwhelmed with thoughts of where my life is going. This has become the subject of my meditation especially during the onset of distress and before anxiety and panic set in.

The paradox of this verse illustrates the dilemma inherent in the paradigm of how people succeed in life: Through hard work. This presupposes that hard work alone is the prerequisite for achieving success. That is why we are all involved in the rat race striving for success. We do not know when to stop striving. By our continuous striving and re-striving, we let in stress, depression and dis-eases into our life.

Hard work is great for success. However, letting in the grace of the Source of creation brings real meaning to human success. Although we can control our work, we cannot control the outcome. That is in the hands of the ultimate Creator. That is His grace.  

The creative Source does nothing, yet everything He created works in perfect completeness leaving nothing undone. The universe is in complete harmony with the Creator. When we interfere with nature and suffer the consequences, we blame the Creator of the universe for causing it or for not preventing it.  

As the Creator is perfect, He completed His creative work to His perfection. He does not therefore need to interfere.

This verse has application in many areas of life. For example, when the work is complete, the worker steps aside and allows the outcome to flow in like river. It also has application for business. For example, when the boss issues an instruction to his employees, he leaves the stage and allows them to get on with the job.

When you practice the habit of allowing, you do nothing, yet you leave nothing undone. You let go of your struggle and let God take control. At the point when everything in your life seems to be at a complete standstill, I ask you to surrender all to the Great Master, the universal Power, the Source of your inexhaustible supplies, who does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. When the Master created you, He left nothing undone. He created you to perfection leaving nothing.

This verse teaches me to become an observer of events in my life. As you step out of your door each morning, begin to notice everything and everyone you come across on your way to and from work, from shopping, from your place of worship, etc. Begin to notice what each event brings into your live or what it takes away. Always let your mind be on the positive side in all of such events. Begin to learn to see the blessing in every encounter. Even when someone steps on your toe, it is for a reason. Perhaps just to test your level of tolerance, or to learn more about forgiveness.

The greatest joy for us as humans is that we are all destined for success. We let success manifest in our lives by knowing when enough is enough in everything we do. The Master does not strive for success, He is the success. He does not strive to be great, He is the Great. Begin today to learn to become like the Master who does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. 

Everything Happens For A Reason

I first heard the following story as a child from a friend's dad. I have found it very inspiring in dealing with many of my ups and downs in life and I hope that you too might find it useful.  

The story is about a very rich king who lived in a big palace built with thatched roof. He owned several horses and a dog.

The king was blessed with a rare gift which enabled him to understand the language of the dogs. He used this skill to secretly listen to many of the conversations his dog had with other dogs that visited from the neighbourhood.

One evening, as the king was walking around his garden, he noticed that his dog was barking in a very unusual way. In their hush conversation, his dog told the other dogs that the king's favourite horse was about to die. They all knew how much the king loved that particular horse. He regularly rode on the horse around the neighbourhood as a mark of his wealth. It was also the one he liked to ride on during royal occasions.

The dog said the only thing the king could do to avert the death of his horse was to sell it within seven days.  

When the king heard this, he went back to his palace and the following day, the king arranged and got his favourite horse sold and made a huge profit.  

Several days later, the king was again in his garden when his dog started to bark. When asked what the problem was, the dog said in seven days, the kings palace would be flooded, swept away and destroyed completely and that the king could only avert the impending disaster by building a moat around his palace.  

The moment the king heard this, he quickly arranged for a wide moat to be constructed around his palace.  

A few days passed, the dog began to bark histerically telling the other dogs that the king's palace would soon be burnt down and  the king could not stop the fire unless he removed a bundle of thatch from the roof of his palace.  

The king wasted no time and got his servants to remove a bundle of thatch from the roof of his palace.  

Nine days after, the animals gathered again.  This time, they were all in distress. It was highly unusual and it continued relentlessly for a long period. They were conversing in hush tones. Their emotions were high. The king came out of his palace and moved very close so that he could hear what the dog had to say this time. After a long wait, the kind heard the god telling the other animals that the king's death was imminent and that there was nothing he could do to prevent his death within the next seven days. 

As the dog was still speaking, the other dogs started to cry. They all loved the king so much. None of them wanted him to die because he took good care of them. They all  asked the dog if there was anything they, the king or any of them could do to avert the King's death. They all wanted to help safe the king's life but the matter was beyond them. 

The king sprang out of his palatial seat and started to beg the dog for help to spare his life.

The dog was shocked and petrified. He could not belief that the king understood dog's language.

The dog stepped forward, stood in front of the king and bowed down before him in reverence. He explained that if he knew that king understood the language of dogs and could communicate with them, he would have advised him to let his favourite horse die, instead of selling it; to let the palace be flooded instead of building the moat to safe it; and to let the palace burn down instead of removing one bundle of thatch from the roof. "All of those things", said the dog  "were meant to happen in order to save the life of the king." 

We may not understand the language of dogs but the God creator of all things does have a purpose for our life.

What lessons could we possibly learn from this story on how we understand and respond to each of our misfortunes in every event that crosses our way as the ending of one event triggers the beginning of another in the endless cycle of our journey in life?

Thoughts

We become what we think.

Rescued from the Lion’s Den

The time was around 11pm on Wednesday January 27, 1984. Femi Oniaiye and I had just hit Lagos after the long drive from Ogidi in his brand new Peugeot 504 saloon car.

Femi was on the driving seat all through until we got to Ibadan on our return journey when he asked me to take over.

So from Ibadan, I drove straight to his house in Mafoloku not far from Ikeja Cantonment. The plan was that I would first drop him at his house before proceeding to Festac Town where I lived. I still needed Femi to drive me around in Lagos to tidy up things before my planned departure to the UK on Sunday January 29, 1984. 

Having dropped Femi, I made my way to Festac Town via the Apapa-Oshodi Expressway. I had just driven past the flyover at Isolo when I noticed that the car ahead of me had swerved suddenly to the left. Not knowing why the driver did that, I decided to keep driving straight ahead. Suddenly, I noticed an object rolling across the road. By the time I realised what it was, it was too late to avoid collision. 

In those days, Isolo Road was one of the most notorious areas in Lagos noted for their incessant armed robbery attacks. There was hardly any day that a dead body was not found by the roadside. 

The moment I realised that the car had hit the object, I had to keep driving even with the front left tyre completely flattened making the car to be virtually undriveable. I was determined to move the car as far away from the scene of the collision as possible. I managed to drive for about two kilometers further down the road before it finally grounded to a halt. 

I was scared to the bones and so I began to pray, repeatedly calling the name of Jesus. I had never been so frightened in my life, thinking that my end was near. The street was dark. Several vehicles were driving at full speed. None of them had noticed what had happened. In fact no driver could see me where I was. The place was too lonely and without street lights.

I had some money in the glove compartment of the car which was wrapped with a newspaper and hidden inside a black cellophane bag. I removed the money and put it inside my pocket. Then I removed my hand bag and as I was about to come out of the car, I noticed that a big vehicle had pulled up right behind me with its full lights on. I was terrified. I could not scream. I just froze. I kept calling the name of Jesus. I was desperate to escape but did not know how. I started to say "Hail Mary, full of grace……". Then, as a Catholic, that was one of the few prayers I could recite. For the first time in so many years, I was calling on the name of Jesus without ceasing. I did not know what else I could do.

Then it occurred to me that I could try and run to the other side of the road. It was a dual carriage way. As I said, there were several fast moving vehicles on both directions of the road. Any careless attempt to run across was more suicidal. I had little option. I just had to do something to safe my life. I knew the car had gone. All my energy focused on keeping myself safe and away from harm's way. At that moment, saving the car was not a priority. 

In the middle of my internal confusion, I turned round and saw about ten people dressed in military police uniform. I saw at least four of them flashing their torchlights at me. I could hear one of them saying, "be calm." I could not tell if the instruction was being directed at me or at someone else. Momentarily I froze. I had no way of escaping as I was not sure if they were actually armed robbers in police uniform.

One of the uniformed men approached me. He came so close that I thought he was going to attack me. He explained in a calm non-military tone that they were military police officers on routine patrol duty. He said they had seen what happened to me and that they had been following my car from the moment it hit the object. He told me that the people that threw the object had crossed over to our side of the road in preparation to attack me. He explained that when they noticed that I had been surrounded by the anti-riot police officers, they tried to hide themselves inside the bush hoping that the car would eventually be abandoned and they would come out and remove it.

One of the officers asked if I had a spare tyre. I told him I had. As two of them were helping me to change the tyre, I heard the name "Ade" coming from one of the officers holding a torchlight. I looked up and the person looked at me more closely. Suddenly, I heard him screamed my name again. 

That was when I noticed that it was Boda Jimoh (now deceased) right in front of me. Boda Jimoh was the son of one of the Muslim members of my family. He was brought up by my father and we used to go to the farm together when I was a little kid. He started his primary school at the village’s Islamic school but went on to complete it at St Michael’s Primary School. I was aware that he had joined the police but had not seen him for many years.

As soon as he recognised me, he screamed and told his colleagues that I was his brother. He gave me a huge hug and introduced me to his colleagues. He said he had been told I was traveling abroad. When the change of tyre was completed, he asked me to drive on and that they would escort me down to Festac Town. I got home at about 12:30am and my wife had been waiting outside apparently wondering what might have delayed me. It was a miracle that I survived the ordeal and live to tell the story today.

Ade Medupin

Pandemonium As A Masquerade Turned To Human

Shortly before the end of my primary school in 1966, the entire Medupin family was visited by series of tragedies. Three young members of the family died mysteriously in succession.

Signs of trouble started with the celebrations of the Agbo Masquerade Festival. The festival takes place annually between the 10th and 11th months of the year in order to mark the end of one and the beginning of another year. During the celebration, a ritual procession would take place for a period of six days during which an oracle would be consulted to fix the exact date the festival would commence. Few weeks before the event, materials for the costumes would be gathered from various locations by the Ogba. The materials would be bundled together and carried to Igbo’ka for the final preparation for the D day. The Ogba, when moving the materials from one location to another were not to be seen by women. Their approach would be announced by some weird sounds.

On the first day of the festival, a horde of Agbo masquerades would dance down through the main routes and move on to the market square where the traditional ruler of Ogidi would then address the masquerades and enjoin them to be of good behaviour, not to beat visitors, school children and pregnant women with their whips. Afterwards, the masquerades would start to display their dancing skills. They would dance around the village in their different shapes and sizes in beautiful costumes made from different leaves such as banana leaves, brooms, etc at times with baskets.

According to eye witness accounts, a barber was barbing the hair of the young son of a cousin of my father who lived in our house. The man had just returned to the community with his young wife and son after a long sojourn in another part of the country. One of the masquerades had veered off the main road to the frontage of my father’s house and, without provocation, whipped the woman and his son. My father was a high chief in the community with two titles. That conferred certain privileges on him in the community. Beating those people right in front of his house without provocation as the masquerade did was tantamount to beating my father which was viewed as an act of extreme disrespect bordering on an abomination. Apparently having been informed of what happened at home, my father rushed back and in his fury seized a long stick being used as a walking aid by a youngster who was suffering from an affliction and pursued the errant masquerade to a location about 100 meters from our house an whipped him.

The whipping was more of a symbolic demonstration of his dissatisfaction with the disorderly conduct of the masquerade because his straw costume was thick enough to protect him. My father was still at the scene of the incident when word went round the village about what had just happened. Within a very short time, another man emerged on the scene and started to whip the Agbo. That was the moment they said the Agbo suddenly pulled off the material used for his disguise and simply laid them down on the ground in the presence of many onlookers. There was pandemonium. Men, woman, children young and old ran helter skelter looking for cover. It was an abomination for an Agbo to turn to a human being in broad day light. There was an ancient belief that the Agbo were spirits from heaven and that they possessed supernatural healing powers.

Within months of the incident, the man in whose hand the Masquerade became human, died a mysteriously painful death.

That was just the beginning. My father was accused by the Ifa oracle of being responsible for the incident. He was asked to appease the gods in ritual sacrifices. He denied any involvement and refused to be involved in appeasing the gods as demanded. They threatened to deal with him and members of his extended family if he failed to meet their demands. My father called their bluff and refused their demands.

Within three months of the incident, three young members of the family had died suddenly, mysteriously and in quick secession. The first one drowned on the River Niger and his body was never found. All the three who died were sons of his younger brothers. No one could tell if the deaths had any connection with the Agbo incident but the traditional religionists accused my father of sacrificing them instead of his own direct sons. It was a strategy to divide the family. But it did not appear to have worked as the incidents practically brought my father and his siblings much closer together.

Several nights after the deaths of three young members of the family, we would hear mysterious voices outside our house. Sometimes, they would be crying. At other times, they would be shouting and screaming. I would hear some horrible sounds like people in distress. They had also accused my mother of peeping through her window to look at them in the night. That was a very serious allegation as women were forbidden from seeing night masquerades, (Egun Oru). They asked my father for her blood. They threatened to have the blood of her son instead. That was one of the most frightening periods of my life. We had many sleepless nights. After the death of three young members of the family, who was next? I was in fear. I could not sleep for several nights.

Meanwhile, my mother had become very ill, battling with her own allegation. Her illness started very suddenly and degenerated very fast. We thought she was going to die.  

My mother was on the sick bed for good three months. She had already been taken as dead. She had become extremely pale unable to stand on her own.

One night, something very strange took place. My mother stood up beside her bed. She had asked for my father. My father was immediately called into her room. She looked up to my father and thanked him. She took a deep breath and lied down again. We had all thought that was the end. But within three days of the unexplained incident, my mother started to recover from her illness and within two weeks she was up and about again.

It was a happy ending to a traumatic personal childhood experience which is still very fresh in my memory. It was an experience that strengthened my confidence in the family. It gave me a practical lesson in the saying, "a house divided against itself can never stand." The incident, unfortunate as it was, instead of dividing the family, kept it together and actually helped to increase the bond among the seven pillars that made up the Medupin dynasty with my father as the head. This was most probably due to their common Roman Catholic connection. The experience laid the foundation for my strong belief in the power of a united family. When the family is internally united, no weapon fashioned against it externally will penetrate.

Family unity is the inner strength to withstand adversity. It is the ability to stand firm and remain hopeful even when the situation appears to be hopeless. In the time of family upheaval like the one  I experienced, a united family is like the palm tree. As the palm tree uses the time of storm as an opportunity to showcase its strength and stability, so is the time of crisis designed to demonstrate the strength of the character and stabilit