Relationship Matters

Three things matter most in our relationship with others:

(a) Our simplicity, which allows others to simply live their own lives,

(b) Our patience, which understands and tolerates the weaknesses in others, and

(c) Our compassion, which gives us the capacity to show empathy for the feelings of others.

Between being assertive and being aggressive

Some people will relate with you on the basis that they know you better than you know yourself. They think they know your personal problems more than you do. They will often give their genuinely but unsolicited advice on the basis of their perception of what is good for you. If you are in such a situation but strongly belief they are doing the right thing for you, it’s all well and good. However, if you strongly belief what they are doing to you is wrong, it is important that you reconsider their roles in your life. In politely asking such people to back off your life, it is important that you are assertive but never aggressive. In doing do, bear in mind the following Sharon Anthony Bower’s quote: “The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behaviour affect the rights and well being of others.” 

Both Positives and Negatives are two sides of the same coins of life

Duality is the nature of everything in the universe. It’s like a coin with two sides. No matter how attractive or disgusting one side or the other may look, each side needs the other to be of value. For example, how could we appreciate the value of light if we have never experienced darkness? If we have no fear of death, how could we possibly understand the value of life and living? If we have never experienced any pain, how could we ever appreciate the value of pleasure. What could make us appreciate the value of success if we have never failed in anything? If not for the destructive nature of war, how could we ever understand the value of living peacefully with other fellow human beings?

It is in experiencing the negatives that we understand and appreciate the value of the positives. Both are two sides of the same coin. One teaches us the meaning of the other. We cannot therefore have one without the other. No one can pretend to like being in pain. But without it, we cannot understand what having pleasure really mean.

It is for this reason that we must learn to prepare ourselves ready for the time when life chooses to thrust any of its negative sides upon us. We can put ourselves in some level of readiness by learning to cultivate the habit of becoming increasingly aware of two things:

(a) On the other side of the negatives, the positives lay;

(b) Nothing on either side is permanent.

Whenever life turns one of its negative sides on us, we must learn to focus our minds only on the other side where the positives are awaiting.

Our deep understanding of these two things, in my opinion, could hold the key to living a happier life.

RELATIONSHIP TRUST FUND

As part of building and maintaining a loving relationship with your partner, you should learn to cultivate the habit of paying attention to, and express compliments for, any positive things your partner says or does. It does not matter how small it may be. Remember, every compliment you make is a credit to your Relationship Trust Fund (RTF).

THE UNIVERSE AND YOUR HEARTBEATS

Life and living are full of mysteries. The more we try to understand them, the more they elude us. The best way I have found to appreciate some of the mysteries is in listening to the natural rhythm of my heartbeats in regular moments of silence. How my heart beats naturally, unaffected by what I may be thinking or doing at any point in time, is a step toward a deeper understanding of the rhythmic
nature of the universe.

The goal of life, according to Joseph Campbell, is to make our heartbeats match the beat of the universe. Seeking to match your Nature with the Nature of the universe on a daily basis lets you be at ONE with the Power of the Universe. This enables us live naturally unencumbered by things that are happening around us.

WORD POWER

The Words we speak out of our mouths are like the Money we spend. The more money we have, the greater the ability to spend on anything we want. In the same way, the more Words we know and can speak, the greater our ability to express ourselves succinctly and eloquently.

However, just as our huge bank balances do not necessarily give us the ability to spend Money wisely, in the same way, the richness of our spoken Word does not necessarily give us the ability to speak with wisdom and understanding.

The acts of spending money and of uttering Words with wisdom are great gifts.

Just as we must be conscious of what we spend our Money on, so must we be conscious of the Words that come out of our mouths. They both have the force and energy meant to achieve certain purposes either in our lives or in the lives of others, good or bad.

Living Humbly

Whenever you meet a person and think you are better off, try and act as if you are worse off. Whenever you come across a person and think you are stronger, act as if you are weaker. Whenever you are in the company of a group and you think you are more intelligent than any of them, act as if you are the least intelligent. In all your relationships with people, when you have made it your habit to humble yourself, you will be exulted by them. That is one of the key secrets of living happily.

How to maintain inner peace even in suffering.

Heavy rain beat two friends into a farm house. They were wet. Their clothes drenched. They were cold and shivery. Both started to experience some symptoms of hypothermia.

One kept swearing and uttering all sort of unprintable words. He swore at the rain for drenching them. He swore at God for causing the rain. He swore at the owner of the farm house for having no fire in place to keep him warm.

He swore at his friend for initiating the journey in the first instance. In fact he swore at everyone and everything, except himself, for causing his problem. He returned home suffering from hypothermia.

The other friend remained calm, cool and collected, undisturbed by his present circumstance. He blessed God for causing the rain to fall in other to make the land more fertile. He thanked the owner of the farm for the house that provided a shelter for them. He blessed his friend for being part of his journey in self-discovery and for becoming the best teacher in his lifelong learning on how to maintain inner peace even in suffering.

No wonder Charles Swindoll said life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.

How we define a problem could be the problem

Sometimes, how we define some of the problems we encounter on a daily basis could be the problem. For example, having a flat tyre on a lonely highway, on a rainy night, can be a frustrating problem. However, the problem is not the flat tyre. It is not the rain either. It is not even where and when the flat tyre took place. The real problem is the failure, from the moment you became a driver, to train your mind to be innately aware that flat tyre can happen at any time and anywhere.